Books:

Tickle His Pickle : A fun, quick read with a lot of great tips, geared toward women

The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio: A bit more serious, this is a comprehensive guide for anyone

Blow Him Away: The title pretty much says it all…

Movies:

I always love Nina Hartley and her DVD Nina’s Guide to Better Fellatio may look a little dated, but blowjobs haven’t changed much!

And for a super comprehensive and hot DVD Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Oral Sex: Fellatio is a great choice.

Hi!

I’m looking for advice on birth control. My girlfriend and I have been using a diaphragm with spermicidal jelly. Lately though we’ve had a hard time finding the spermicide at the drugstore. So I did some internet research and found a site that says that pretty much all the spermicide manufacturers have pulled their products. Are they really dangerous or unsafe? Do you know what is going on with this?

And if spermicide is no longer available, what can we do? We don’t LOVE using condoms and the pill is icky. Because we want to have kids someday in the not too distant future, an IUD doesn’t seem to make sense. Any thoughts?

Thanks,
Gabe

Hi Gabe,

Well, from what I understand, they found that the spermicide Nonoxynol-9 was more bad than good and causing users problems. Turns out in actually increased users susceptibility to HIV and other STIs (oops!) so most manufactures pulled it and it is harder to find now. That said, I think you can still get the jelly at drugstore.com. For more info on it, check out this Wikipedia article. I can tell you that at Early to Bed, we no longer carry any condoms or lube that have non-9.

As for other forms of birth control, I am going to refer you to scarleteen.com. And while I assume that you are not a teen… they have a lot of really good, honest advice about birth control. I do think that the sponge is still available on drugstore.com and well as probably some other places. It sounds like a barrier method is what you guys are looking for and that may be your most accessible choice (although it is not terribly cheap).

If you haven’t already done so, you also may want to try some of the more exciting condoms like Pleasure Plus and Max Love. They can make sensation much better for the wearer.

My last suggestion is to check out your local Planned Parenthood. They are there to help you with exactly these types of questions! (if you happen to be in the Chicago area, I also recommend the Chicago Women’s Health Center as an amazing place to get this kind of info. They are super awesome and would be able to walk to two through all your choices). There are a lot of birth control options out there and a health care professional is probably the best person to get your information from.

I hope this info helps! Let me know if you have more questions!

Bandit

I am looking for a new Pack n’ Play dildo but am having a hard time making a decision.   Since you can see the product up close and personal, do you think  “Bandit” will work with the SpareParts harness and be a ok for packing?

-Sam
Hi Sam,

Hmmm.. I would not put Bandit in the Pack & Play category. I mean, sure, it is flexible enough to bend and pack with, but it is not really designed for that purpose and you may have a much more “excited” look that you want. It is on the longer side .. about 7″.  Goodfella may be a better choice if that is the type of toy you are looking for. It is designed with Pack & Play in mind and is a bit smaller, so to not be quite so obvious. The Goodfella will work fine with the SpareParts, but maybe a tad easier to get in and our of a harness like the Commando.

If you look in our Packing Dildos section on our website you can see the toys that are designed for that purpose (most have bendable spines) and the toys that are on the softer side, but can be packed (mostly we list them on this page if our customers have reported that they are useful as packers & for penetration).

I hope this info helps!

We chat about sex, sex ed and why early to bed!

Dear Sex Lady,

I am trying to decide between the Feeldoe and the Share dildo. Which one should I get?

-Moly

Ah… the age old double dildo question. First, let me say, that as always, choosing a sex toy is a very personal decision and one that is near impossible to make for anyone else. I can tell you some differences between the two and hopefully that will help you make a more informed choice (and BTW, both toys are AWESOME and I myself would be hard-pressed to choose between the two)

Here are some things they have in common:

• Both are made of 100% silicone

• Both are designed to be used harness-less (but we have found they work better with a harness)

• They have a similar shape allowing the two participants to get very close to each other & try a variety of positions

Now how they differ:

• The Feeldoe (pictured on the right) comes in three sizes and vibrates.

• The silicone that the Feeldoe is made of is a bit firmer (and shinier) than the Share

• The Share (pictured on the left) is a bit more supple in texture and had a larger bulb end.

So, while I can’t make a decision for you I would suggest the Share if the person wearing the dildo likes a very full feeling inside (the bulb end may be too big for some.. but the size also may help someone “grip” it better). Because it is a bit more flexible, you may find it more comfortable in a wider variety of positions. Also some wearer’s may find the upturned part at the bottom of the bulb end presses againts thier clit a little more than the feeldoe’s clit ridges.

If the person wearing the toys is more comfortable with small things inserted, the Feeldoe may be your better choice. Also, if you want the option of vibration, that is the way to go. Plus with three sizes you can choose how long and wide you want the receiver’s part to be.

So hopefully that did not make your decision any harder. Either way, you will probably have a lot of fun with the toy!

Hi Sex Lady,

The website says we can e-mail in sex questions, so, here goes. I hear all this talk about guys needing to last longer, but I have to opposite problem!  My boyfriend takes an anti-depressant that makes it hard for him to come, and he only seems to be able to do so when we’re doing it doggy style. And even then, it still takes quite a while. It is not the worst thing, but it is a lot of WORK. Neither one of us has been at this all that long, and we don’t really know what to do about this. Help, please! –Sindy

Howdy,

Well, your problem is not that uncommon with the drugs. And sadly because of that, I don’t have any great solution for you guys. All the research I have found really only talks about how to cope with the side effects, not how to solve them. The first thing I will tell you is that your partner should talk to his doctor about it. Awkward, I know, but there could be some medication changes that might help with this. Also, this is a link to some good info on the subject from the About Sexuality blog (which I really like & trust).

But that said,  here are some suggestions that might help you guys a bit:

1- Don’t start the doggy action until it it getting time to work towards that orgasm. Save yourself some of that work and have intercourse other ways for a while or spend time with hand/blowjobs and whatnot.

2- Maybe try a toy. Like women who take a long time to orgasm, some men find that adding vibration can help get them over the hump. You can try either a vibe placed right on his penis or a vibrating cockring worn with the vibe nestling on his testicles. I would suggest a an adjustable cockring like our leather cockring so that you aren’t restricting bloodflow any further.

3- Prostate stimulation! Some guys find that stimulating their prostate (either with a finger or a toy) can really make their orgasms different and perhaps for your boy, more easily achieved.

4- Can he bring himself to orgasm by masturbating? If he can get himself of with his own hand, why not try to incorporate that? You can be very involved by kissing, touching, helping, perhaps putting on a show of your own…

5- Are you using condoms? If so, perhaps try a type that is more stimulating for him (Pleasure Plus gets high marks..) so that he is experiencing more sensation during penetration.

I am sorry I don’t have a sure fire answer for you, but I wish you much luck! If you come up with any great solution, let me know!

Any of you folks out there have any ideas? I know there are probably a lot of guys who have had similar problems and any wisdom would be great!

Satine

Dear friendly Early to Bed staff,
I need some help.  I’m fairly new to this wonderful world of partner sex (I’m a woman, my partner is a guy), and while things are going pretty darned well, vaginal penetration still kinda hurts. While I have the advantage of a patient, experienced partner (and before you suggest it, we are using lube), we don’t get to “practice” very often as he is away right now.  So I’m looking for a toy to help me practice on my own. I’ve got a smaller insertable toy (the one you sell as “Sasha”) which I enjoy using, but am looking for something a bit larger that might help me take him in easier. Any reccomendations would be appreciated. Let’s assume an average cock size– nothing dramatic, please! and it needn’t be representational– fun colors are a great, although I am probably not looking for any crazy textures. Low prices are also a plus…

Thanks so much; you guys are great!
-Ali

Hi Ali,

Yeah for you having an awesome partner! And of course my first suggestion was going to be lube.. so I am glad you got that down already.

As for toys, here are some toys that are a little bigger than Sasha but not too big and in the lower end of the price spectrum. You didn’t mention if you wanted vibration or not, so I listed some Dildo and some Vibes. You can sometimes save a few bucks by getting a non-vibrating toy.

I hope you find one you like and remember, sometimes these things take patience and a whole lot of relaxation.

VIBES
Cruiser $20 ( our best-selling soft vibe. People love this for insertion)
Edith $40 (has a clit tickler too)
Satine $32 (A little wider than the other two)

DILDOS
Blue $15 (super flexible and a pretty decent size)
Danny $20 (more cock-like and has balls for a better grip)

I’m thinking about buying a Fun Factory Share from your webshop for my girlfriend and me.

Share Dildo

Do you know, whether it is possible to use it “the other way” around? I’ll take the small part in my butt so I can double penetrate my girlfriend? Or is that not recommendable for the male?

Hope you can be able to answer my question.

Thanks in advance,
Sean

Hi Sean,

Um, honestly I can’t say. I would think it would be difficult to do that and as the toy is not designed for that purpose, I would be afraid that it might not work. If you have the bulb end in your butt, you would  loose a lot of the length of the shaft by the time it got to your partner’s vagina.

That said, people re-appropriate sex toys for activities that they weren’t intended for all the time, so you can certainly try!

Another way to give your lady friend the double penetration experience is for you to wear a harness with a dildo. Then the dildo would go above your cock and you’d use your piece for the backdoor action while your dildo penetrates her vaginally. The Commando harness would fit great above most cisgendered* guys’ cocks.

Have fun experimenting!

++++

*Someone who is cisgendered has a gender identity that agrees with their societally recognized sex.

Audrey

You think you know a lot about vibrators.. take this quiz and find out how smart you really are!

Hi,

This is a great question and I love the term “Clitoring”!

The truth is, if you want to lick someone’s ass and then go back to kissing them, you really should do a quick mouthwash rinse or use a dam. The butt has lots of nasty bacteria that you don’t want to be spreading around. Dental dams (or saran wrap) are a great way to go nuts on her backdoor and still have a clean mouth for Clitoring or kissing. If you are worried that using a barrier with a long-term partner will seem awkward or suspicious, just talk to her before and let her know that it is for her benefit that you aren’t spreading all that bacteria around.

And while we are talking about it, here is esteemed anal sex guru Tristan Taormino’s take on the topic:

“The reason that going directly from ass to pussy is not a good idea is because you can introduce bacteria from the rectum into the vagina, where it will cause an infection. There is a much greater risk of this transfer of bacteria during penetration because your dick has been inside the rectum (the deeper you go, the more likely you will come into contact with bacteria or trace amounts of fecal matter). When it comes to oral stimulation, if you are simply licking the outside of your girlfriend’s ass, then her outer lips and clitoris, there is less (but not zero) risk of cross contamination, as long as her ass was clean to begin with. If you want to be super safe, you can rinse your mouth out with mouthwash in between oral acts. Once you have penetrated her ass, you can still orally pleasure her, although I recommend a quick swipe with a baby wipe or damp towel just to clean any lube that may have come out of her ass as you withdrew your dick. Also, pick a lube with a taste that either doesn’t bother you or you actually like so if you do get a mouthful, it won’t make you wince.